ONE-SIDED RELATIONSHIPS DON’T EXIST

I’ve heard people say (and I’ve said it myself) “I’m in a one-sided relationship” or “I’m not going to be in a one-sided relationship”.  There really is no such thing as a one-sided relationship.  If such a thing is perceived, then what is really there is no relationship and one person trying to establish one without the active participation of the other individual.  A relationship is between two people and does go both ways.  It can be a good relationship, a bad relationship, a healthy relationship, an unhealthy relationship, a satisfying relationship, an unsatisfying relationship, or any number of other descriptions.  Regardless, a relationship exists when two people are involved and engaged WITH EACH OTHER to some extent or another.  If one person is involved in developing or nurturing the relationship and the other has zero involvement or investment then it’s not a relationship.  It’s an association of some kind, an arrangement, or a pattern outside of actual relationship BETWEEN two people.    Evaluating whether you could or should continue your efforts to establish a mutually satisfying relationship with another person is a personal choice.  Relationships (good or bad ones) take time, effort, and investment on some level by both parties WITH each other (not just TO each other).  The real question, then, becomes “do I want to keep investing my time and energy into establishing a relationship with some who, by all indicators, is not interested in the relationship”  I say, “no”.  It does not mean I don’t love or care about that other person (and they may even love and care about me). It only means I recognize that I cannot single-handedly make the relationship into more than is really is.  Either it’s there or it’s not.  I want to relate with people I care about (and who may also care about me) and not just relate to them by virtue of the fact we are associated in some way.  True, I am criticized for no longer putting forth the effort to maintain the appearance of real relationship, especially with people I’m “supposed” to have a relationship with (mainly relatives).  On the other hand, if the so-called relationship does not grow or remain strong without constant effort on my part alone then is it really the best use of time and energy?   I say it’s okay to admit you don’t have a relationship with some people you love and it does not mean they don’t love you back.  It just means that, for some reason, there is no relationship WITH that person although there may always be a relationship TO that person.  This is my opinion and I may be wrong (I often am).

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