Grief is truly a private burden, a personal battle and no one can fight it but you.  No matter how many people have experienced grief, no one has experienced it quite like you.  Few, if any, can understand exactly what you are feeling.  The mixed emotions, the bombardment of memories-both good and bad-overwhelm so completely.  One day you feel better and let your guard down, only to be blindsided unawares the next day with an even larger wave of sadness.  The surge of emotions, the deep despair, the psychological pain is so strong it feels like your heart is going to burst.  No one knows how it feels to you, and everyone thinks you should be “over it” by now.  Grief is to be experienced (what choice do you have), endured (you must), and eventually you begin to see tiny spots of light in the darkness.  The light is only there for a few seconds before it flickers out.  Over time, more glimmers of light appear and they stay a bit longer.  Some days there is no light at all.  On and on it goes.  There is hope, then despair; there is light, then darkness; there is peace, then devastation–it’s up and down, up and down until you don’t think you can survive this process.  It never lifts completely and it never stays away indefinitely.  What people don’t know, or what they don’t tell, is that grief is forever.  You learn to live with it because otherwise you would not be able to live at all.  You learn to place one foot ahead of the other.  You figure out how to keep going.  You pretend.  You smile wanly.  Eventually you are able to squeak a little life, a little love, a little joy from a hollow existence.  You learn to appreciate, value, savor, and prioritize.  You know what it’s like to lose.  You enjoy what you can when you can.  You go on.  You just go on.


Leave a Reply