I’m not motivated by disapproval or criticism.  Is anyone?  What possible good can come from being told how disappointing you are, what you are doing wrong, or how you “should” improve?  The “righting reflex” is the compulsion to correct someone and is rarely conducive to healthy relationships.  In reality, when someone challenges our decisions, personality traits, preferences, and choices it only pushes us away from that person.  It damages the relationship.  No one likes to be around people who are constantly correcting them like they are a child.  Unless you are a teacher, in a classroom situation, and the subject is related to what you are teaching, there is no place in adult relationships for correcting another adult.  Adults usually know when they are wrong and how they could improve themselves (if they were so inclined).  Just because we can improve does not mean we want to improve.  Maybe we like the way we are.  Maybe we enjoy our little imperfections.  Maybe we decided to let go of the endless self improvement quest years ago.  Maybe we want to just to be ourselves and enjoy life a little.  Maybe we jumped off the hamster wheel of “doing better”.  Truly, if I don’t ask for your opinion or advise, I probably don’t want it.  Short of preventing me from walking around with spinach on my front teeth I am not likely to appreciate being told my flaws and what I “need” to do differently.  I don’t want to be perfect, I don’t want to meet your standards, I don’t want to be the best I can be in your eyes.  I just want to be me.  I want to decide for myself if and when I grow or improve.  I want to keep some of my flaws because I like them, need them, enjoy them, or decided it’s not worth the time or energy to change them.  Adults have the right to fail, to have low standards, to keep vices, and to not succeed.  Deal with it.  If you don’t like me the way I am don’t hang out with me. 2018.

Judge Not

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