I try to see people the way they really are, not the way I wish they were.  Looking back at all the times I’ve been betrayed or hurt by another person, I recognize the pattern of ignoring the many signs I had about the type of person I was dealing with.  I tended to magnify their good points and minimize or ignore their bad points.  Clearly I had warning signs posted along the way  that I chose to overlook on some level.  It may have been an unconscious decision not to see the reality but regardless it was ultimately an unsafe habit.  While it’s  a good thing to give more weight to people’s good traits, it’s a dangerous thing to completely ignore their bad ones.  It’s often called “denial”, “avoidance”, or a “defense mechanism”.  What it really amounts to is that we believe what we want to believe and ignore that which we don’t want to believe.  Ignoring reality does not make it go away.  It’s far better to look at things the way they really are and make decisions based on what’s true.  We can deal better with situations and people if we acknowledge to ourselves the facts we so clearly see and adapt accordingly.  If I accept that someone is not above lying to me then I can be more careful in sorting through what this person says to me.  It’s a very foolish thing to disregard experience in favor of promises that match our hearts desire.  The truth does have a way of shouting at us in the end when we’ve failed to heed the still, quite, voice.  It will not go away if we ignore it and the consequences will only get worse.  We can face what we have to face when we have to face it.  It’s far more safe and less stressful to go ahead and address the unpleasant realities head on with calm, cool determination instead of waiting for the fantasy to blow up in our face.



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