ONE WAY RELATIONSHIPS


As I get older, I find I am less and less able to keep up my end of one-sided relationships.  One-sided relationships are relationships in which I am the only one putting forth effort.  These one-sided relationships may be with people I am biologically related to or are otherwise socially obligated.  These are the ones that, little by little, I am no longer willing to invest time or energy into maintaining.  It’s hard to hold up two ends of a relationship and, really, when one person is holding up both ends it’s actually not a relationship at all.   A relationship needs two people to support their own half of the relationship.  I have no regrets about relationships I’ve let go of even though I know I am criticized or judged because I don’t do my part (strange how the other people are never thought to even have a part or role in these type of relationships–only me).  I can live with that.  I can live with being judged and criticized (good thing or I’d already be dead from it).  I only have a hand full of relationships that are still relatively one-sided (where I put forth most if not all of the effort to maintain).  This is the result of a conscious choice in the hopes of building real connection.  Because I continue to try to hold up both ends of these few then I have no time or energy to put forth in holding up others that I am expected to.  A true, healthy relationship is one in which both people hold up their respective ends.  I only have a few relationships which feel balanced to me and these few are precious indeed.   All the rest are ones in which I do most if not all of the investing and in return receive little consideration at all–it’s exhausting.  My new goal of only doing things that come from my heart is liberating.  While I still chose to do a few things that I don’t really want to do (it is not from my heart) I am getting better.  Some people mean so much to me I continue having a one-sided relationship with them because otherwise I would have no relationship with them at all–and that I am not willing to do just yet.  When I realize with my mother I was expected to put forth more effort because I was the child yet with my grown children I am also expected to put forth more effort because I am the mother I understand that social obligations are truly arbitrary.  Ultimately each one of us must choose who we want real relationships with and who we are agreeing to have one-sided relationships with because we still want some semblance of a relationship with these people (even though we know they likely don’t give two cents for us). 4/16/17 D. WebbOne Sided Relationships

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