It is one thing to make a mistake, and quite another thing not to admit it. People will forgive mistakes, because mistakes are usually of the mind, mistakes of judgment.  But people will not easily forgive the mistakes of the heart, the ill intention, the bad motives, the prideful justifying cover-up of the first mistake (Stephen Covey).  There are people who never admit when they are wrong–who never apologize for mistakes because they won’t admit to ever making mistakes.  Even in the face of clear evidence or being caught red-handed some individuals still refuse to acknowledge an error or a wrong.  It is hard to respect or trust someone who does not admit to mistakes.  Worse is the person who blames you for the mistake or acts like they are the victim because they were caught or someone dare say they are not all they say they are.  There is something very small about a person who never takes responsibility for what they have said or done.  Every one makes mistakes.  We are human and no one is perfect.  What’s the big deal in saying so?  Why is it so hard to admit a mistake, an error, or a wrong?   Maybe they aren’t really sorry.  Maybe it was not a mistake but was intentional.  That would explain it.  That’s what makes it difficult to forgive because it’s not clear if it was a mistake or if it was a deliberate act.  Is it possible that the person who refuses to acknowledge a wrong or mistake really does not see it as a mistake or wrong?  If that’s the case then it’s better not to have a very close relationship with someone who refuses to acknowledge a mistake or who never sincerely apologizes.  It would not be a very safe relationship.




  1. Have you walked around my heart and read the pain? This is so fitting to a close relationship I have with someone presently and there is no way not to have it. (close as in always will be there and will have to interact with, not close as in becoming intimate by sharing more deeply. What is described above makes intimacy unsafe)
    I have to tread carefully and am often deeply hurt. It continues to be extraordinarily challenging.
    Your post reminds me that my instinct to back up and keep boundaries is prudent, wise and very needed.
    I need to take a new look at the relationship and find better ways of protecting myself from the behaviors that are intentionally hurtful yet justified by the person inflicting them so that they feel innocent of any wrongdoing. Insidious is a good word to describe it.

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