Life is an echo. What you send out comes back. What you sow you reap. What you give you get. What you see in others exists in you. (Zig Ziglar)
Is life an echo? Sometimes it seems only to come back if it’s bad and never if it’s good. Am I being too negative? Am I reinforcing patterns that create a repeating cycle of disappointment and rejection? I try not to. I try to be nice, kind, sincere, friendly, and dependable. I try to treat people the way I want to be treated. I see the best in others often to the point of ignoring flashing signs of warning. Am I kidding myself? Could I possibly be as bad as some people seem to want me to believe I am? I must have an invisible wall around me that keeps people at bay even when I want to be close (but not too close). Am I too guarded, too closed, too private? I don’t like chit-chat and don’t like too much interaction with people in general–especially socially. I like an abundance of alone time but I don’t necessarily want to be alone all the time. I don’t want to go to a social gathering every week but I do enjoy going to one once in a while. I enjoy time with my husband and am comfortable with only him most of the time. Yet it is considered abnormal by experts not to have friends. I have been told I’m not normal and even though I laugh it off as a compliment–it still hurts. I do feel weird, strange, and different (not in a good way). On the other hand, I really don’t want too many people in my life. My great fear is that if I do have friends or people I am closer to then there will be more demands on my time and energy which I have too little of as it is. It is definitely a conundrum.