We all need a daily check up from the neck up to avoid stinkin’ thinkin’ which ultimately leads to hardening of the attitudes (Zig Ziglar).  My biggest problem is feeling like I never measure up, that I am somehow lacking, that I am not what I ought to be.  I am over-sensitive to the criticism of others in some areas–especially those closest to me (my husband and my children).  These are the ones I feel I disappoint no matter how hard I try not to.  I just can’t seem to get it right.  I know it’s something in my own thought process (stinkin’ thinkin’) that causes this and not my family.  My stinkin’ thinkin’ is that if these people don’t like everything I say and do than I am completely inadequate and a terrible disappointment to them.  Logically I know this is faulty reasoning and based on distorted thinking (stinkin’ thinkin’) but the feelings still come in spite of my intellectual understanding of the process.  I don’t let it bother me as long as I used to (I can’t stop it from bothering me some) and I don’t beat myself up mentally (by calling myself a worthless failure that everyone would be better without).  I fight the urge to run away, and start over where no one knows me and no one from my past can find me.  I know this is crazy thinking but sometimes I do think I could protect those I love from my failings if they never saw or heard from me again.  Yes, this is my stinkin’ thinkin’!

lighted tree

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