Forgiveness does not require reconciliation.  To forgive someone involves only us.  We can make a decision to forgive someone and that is our choice–only we need know.  However, to reconcile with another person takes two–them and us.  We may forgive someone yet, for reasons of our own, never reconcile.  We are not mandated to have contact or relationship with someone we have forgiven. Forgiven does not mean forgotten (contrary to popular brain-washing).  We would be very foolish to forget a lesson we’ve learned after being harmed by another person.  We can forgive a wrong however the effects of that wrong remain.  The damage still exists and cannot be ignored if we are to protect ourselves in the future.  Many people (maybe even most) who harm us are not sorry and truly have no intention of changing their behavior.  They may ask for forgiveness and reconciliation without admitting they did anything wrong and without being willing to make things right with us.  These individuals are seeking reconciliation in order to have continued use of the relationship–at our expense.  We are not expected to continue relationships that harm us.  We all know a fake apology when we hear it because it’s all about them not us.  Fake apologies never even acknowledge a wrong was done at all.  It sounds something like, “IF I did something to hurt you”…or “I’m sorry I hurt you but I don’t know what I did”.  We need to be very cautious of continued relationship with someone who makes these type of apologies.  Not only is it clear they really are not sorry (because they don’t even know what they did to be sorry for) but they don’t even care to hear our perspective.  They simply want to be sure we will still be there for THEM when they need or want something from us.  “Fool me once–shame on you. Fool me twice–shame on me”! 2017


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