Some of us could be travel agents for guilt trips.  We are incredibly good at it–and it does work!  Using guilt to get what we want is effective when getting our way is more important than the people we are manipulating.  Using any form of indirect tactic (manipulation) to get our way is dysfunctional and destructive.  Ultimately, the cost will far exceed any gain from it’s use. Yes, using guilt to get our way is manipulation.  It’s psychologically abusive and harms our relationships.  How can we possibly enjoy something we get using guilt?  How can we truthfully say we love someone when we use psychological strategies on them?  If we have to play on people’s sense of duty, politeness, insecurity, gratitude, relationship or love to get what we want then really it’s a one-side and selfish relationship.  We are supposed to ask for what we want AND we need to be able to gracefully accept “no” as an option–without pouting, without crying, without shaming, and without bringing up “all I’ve done for you”.  It’s a sad commentary on the  relationship when we have to “force” people to spend time with us using guilt.  Sooner or later the relationship will either die a slow, quiet death or will destruct in a grand explosion of resentment!  Remember-we can manipulate someone into ACTING a certain way however we cannot actually make that person enjoy time with us.  There comes a day when we need to decide whether we want fewer relationships  based on mutual enjoyment or mass quantities of people in our lives that don’t want to hurt our feelings (but will sooner or later because games can only be played so long).  Real love (the foundation of all good relationships) “does not insist on it’s own way”. 2017


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