I consider myself an honest person in general but there are times I will lie to you.  For example:

  • If you ask me “what are you thinking” I’m going to say “nothing” because if I wanted you to know I would have said it out loud and not thought it.  Sometimes I’m thinking something random and silly (like the make up used in Victorian England, zip locks, or the castle that I imagine should be mine).  Other times I’m thinking about something sad and personal (because it’s the anniversary of something hurtful from the past and I don’t want to talk about it).  I’m never really thinking of nothing although it’s nothing as far as you are concerned.
  • If you ask me my opinion on something you’ve already made your mind up about and just want validation.  Why bother?  I’ve learned that when I do give my opinion in these situations I regret it.  My opinion is negated, invalidated and sometimes is taken in offense.  Again, don’t ask unless you really, really want to know MY opinion.  Otherwise I may just tell you what you want to hear.
  • If you ask me how something looks on you and it’s too late to change or you spent way too much money on it (and don’t have the receipt).  I’ll probably say “you look great”.  This is not a lie because you do look great to me although that outfit is horrendous–like you got it from the rejected wardrobe of the Rocky Horror Picture Show or something.
  • If you ask me if your baby or grand baby is beautiful and maybe the baby still looks like E. T. or a potato (you know they almost all do at birth) then I’m probably going to lie unless I say, “he looks so sweet” which is the Southern way of saying “so ugly let’s hope he has a sweet personality to make up for it”.  And if I add “bless him” then it’s really, really bad (poor child).
  • If you ask me if I like your spouse-to-be mere seconds from the wedding vows (and I really think you are making a huge mistake) I’m probably going to lie and say “If you like him then I like him”.  Wait a minute!  That’s what my daddy said about my first husband before we got married!  Darn.
  • If you ask me if I want to go somewhere and I say, “sure” then that is almost always a lie.  I never, ever want to go somewhere (unless it’s out to eat in which case it MIGHT be a lie and it MIGHT be true–depending on my mood).
  • If you ask me how I feel or how I’m doing I will almost always say “fine” regardless of how bad I feel or how poorly I am doing.   I am very private and unless there is some good that can come from it I probably won’t tell you how I really feel and how I am really doing (that’s why I have a blog with delayed posting).
  • Most of the time if I am smiling it’s a lie!  I’m just not a smiley person.  I smile to be friendly, to be polite or because I have a resting B*#@% face.  My smiles are always real in response to MY grandchildren–but not always in regards to YOUR grandchildren or other people’s children in general.  Don’t judge me.
  • If you ask me where I met my husband and I don’t know you very well I might say “The Fern Bank” which is where we had our first date.  We actually met online and I hate the look people give when I say that.  Well it sure worked out a lot better than the first two I met “in real life”.
  • Most any time you ask me a question that is truly none of your business (and you should know better than to even ask such a thing) you are not likely to get a truthful answer.  I find when I say “none of your business” people end up acting all victim-like so instead sometimes I say “why do you ask” or “why do you need to know”.  If that does not work I may very well make up a lie because I’m not telling you my personal business no matter how rude and pushy you are about it.
  • When you ask me a question or ask me to do something I don’t want to do I might say “let me give that some thought and get back with you”.  If I say that it is really a “No” and I will never give it some thought and get back with you.  It’s just a convoluted way of me saying “nope”.
  • Goodness this list is getting long.  I guess I’m a much bigger liar than I thought I was!

curb