As I write this (10/15/16) I am 53 and soon to be 54.  I don’t think of myself as “old”…I think of myself as “older”.  I still have the same hopes, dreams and fears as I did when I was 19.  The only difference is I am wiser and have learned to never give up on hopes, always have dreams and don’t give in to fears.  Fear is still here in my 50’s but the fears are different.  I hardly ever thought of life and death when I was younger.  Now I think of life and death–a lot.  I don’t fear death.  I just am not ready to die yet.  I find myself worrying about dying before my husband and leaving him alone.  I worry about what would happen to him.  I worry about my husband dying before me and leaving me alone.  What would happen to me?  I fight this worry and try not to think too much about it.  Getting older has it’s advantages.  I have written another post on the benefits of aging.  Today I am thinking about the vulnerability.  Feeling dependent, helpless or vulnerable is the nagging fear whispering behind my brain–on the edges of what I allow into the center of my thoughts.  It’s there none-the-less.  Getting older is scary.  Financial security is another fear of getting older.  I think I might never be able to retire.  I barely have enough in retirement for 6 months and don’t want to count too much on social security.  Then there is health–we won’t go there.  These are a few of my thoughts on personal aging.  What are your thoughts?

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