Abusive is sometimes not obvious or observable.  It takes many forms.  In a relationship it’s based on a violation of the other person’s trust or a direct disrespect of that person.  It can be an intentional disregard for the other person’s feelings or preferences.  For example, consider when one person in a relationship shares with the other person that they hate the color yellow.  The reason for hating yellow is not relevant.  Then say, still going with this example, the person who received this information about color preference then begins using yellow for things they might not have chosen yellow for before.  This is not obvious to others outside the relationship. When the one who hates yellow objects they somehow end up looking ungrateful for the yellow gift or irrational for refusing to use the newly painted yellow bathroom.  The use of yellow, in this case, becomes abusive as it represents not only a betrayal of trust but also a disrespect of the other person’s feelings.  Disguising disrespect with a gift is very subtle but disrespect is disrespect no matter what form it takes.  October 9, 2016