Of the abusive or exploitative relationships I’ve been in, I look back and realize I let a lot of subtle disrespect and abusiveness slide, thinking the best of the other person… at first.  This, without knowing, was a type of permission for the mistreatment which, of course, got worse over time.  What started out as hurt feelings or a vague sense of being disrespected eventually became alarming in it’s disregard for me as a person.  In these relationships I struggled to maintain my identify and my value as a human.  Eventually I began to push back and ultimately over-compensated by, on an emotional level, treating the other person the same way they treated me.  It became a downward spiral for the relationship that ultimately crashed and burned in a very dramatic and horrific manner.  The worst case scenario is when I began to wish the other person would just die…get killed in a car accident specifically.  Every time they went on I trip I’d think, “maybe they will get killed today”.  That’s when you know you should have ended the relationship years ago.  As I finally ended the relationship and the other person was still trying to get me to stay I asked “why would you even want to be with someone who wishes you were dead?”  There’s really no comeback for that is there?  October 2016

1/5/17–update:  these feelings were from 2002 so please don’t think I’m still carrying around this kind of hurt and anger; I combated the feelings by praying for my ex-husband every single day for a very, very long time (for healing, for God’s will); I still pray for his well-being from time to time now but not as much as I probably should; I am not homicidal or depressed; I simply am sharing how I truly did feel at one time with the hopes of helping someone else to recognize if they are in a bad relationship and take steps to get their life back; sometimes I wish I was more anonymous because posts like this really concern my husband and my sister; I sill won’t be silenced; I just want everyone to know I don’t feel this way now

birdhouse